Do you get Angry and raise voice??
You might ask what kind of question is that? Obviously YES!! Just when some one says ‘keep cool’ ‘keep cool’ that might aggravate and make us totally upset, mad and angry right? That’s how much we are vulnerable and not able to control our emotions and anger.
When we pitch our voice – shout and speak things that we are not suppose to say, How easy would it be if we could wipe it like we wipe out spilled water! Or if we could grab it back and put it in our mouth and swallow? Well, if that were to happen then we all would have been just having that as our meals right? How often have we spoken words that we are not suppose to say and tell the person ‘Oh! I’m sorry I never meant to say it! It came out in the spur of the moment. Pls don’t mind’. There is a old saying that goes “Burnt caused by speech is never healed”.
Our kids keep watching us when we scream or yell at others or when we do it to them. They are good at mimicking and they use this technique when we do not expect and we are surrounded by people on streets or get together where we will be humiliated for their behavior. They are smart enough to understand that this will bring attention and they will get everything they want when they raise the voice. They are definitely not to blame for the behavior, we have shown them time and again what we thought was right or probably what we never assumed that they are picking up this habit.
My mom once explained me why we raise our voice when we are in anger. Let me tell you the reasoning- First anger separates the closeness between two people.Isn’t our natural instinct that says you have to be loud to talk when a person that is far away? Yes, that’s exactly what happens when there is anger between two, you start to speak loudly because you can sense the there is a barrier or a separation between the other person even though they are right in front of you. You assume they hear only when you shout, as time passes and arguments increase the volume in speech increases exponentially as does the closeness between two soul/heart is drifted far apart.
So when we are mad at our spouse, or kids or even at our work place – the first and for- most important thing that Anger does is bringing separation between two people. Anger can bring separation that cannot be imagined or measured in matter of seconds. So when you raise the voice just imagine that if you are speaking loudly to your kids or spouse or anyone whom you love, respect or care then you are throwing them so much far from you that it will be impossible to get them back. There is no way that a loud voice can make anything true or make things work, it is just making your loved ones go far away from you.
How do you speak to a baby or your parents or siblings or friends or anyone close to you and you love deeply? – Do you need to explain anything when you see them, just a glance will explain everything to them. For example when your kid runs to you with a Award/Medal or something precious, a hug is all it takes there is no need for words – everything you want to tell them is conveyed by gestures or touch. Love does not need Speech. When there is Love there is no need for words to express or loud voice to prove anything right.
Next time when you raise your voice, think one thing – You are throwing your loved ones far away, is that what you want? Anger brings hatred between two people constantly – as and when we speak with loud voice. If you raise your voice, your partner does, then kids follow it. When your child raise voice then recollect when was the last time you did it. Whatever you have done, kids repeat.
Can we try to speak in a low and composed voice without having a argument or raising our voice? When our voice is low, truth comes out and the other person can hear us better as they are close to us. Can we give it a try??
Disclosure: I’m not a saint or perfectionist in this area, I’m a learning person just like anyone and one of my biggest area of improvement is Anger, so this blog post is to remind me of that and help anyone who needs help. Thank you!